Should you mediate or divorce?

A mediation process may save both parties, the husband and wife, a lot of time and money. However, it is not necessarily suitable for every case or everyone.

Every separation process depends on circumstances. That is, one person's breakup is not the same as another person's breakup. Mediation may be suitable for spouses who are open to reaching an agreement instead of escalating to war. Sounds obvious, but not everyone is looking to reach agreements in pleasant ways. The faces of some men and women are not necessarily for peace, and they all have their reasons. Sometimes a party is undermined by betrayal, and sometimes it's about the character of a man or woman who feels the need to fight at all costs.

As well as the couple's communication, their mindset plays a significant role. If we are talking about spouses who have positive communication, the question of who wants to end the relationship is not necessarily the decisive question. As long as the couple knows how to communicate, can sit and talk openly and have a common desire to end the relationship on a favorable note, mediation can suit them.

When is mediation impossible?

When one party does not want or agree to divorce, a mediation procedure cannot be appropriate. Even when there is a concern that one party is hiding assets from the other, mediation won't do.

Who is the mediation process suitable for?

For those who desire open and honest communication, for those who are mature and think that it is the most suitable route for them. They do not wish to proceed to court because it is not always feasible for everyone to appear in court for years. It is imperative to understand that, due to the load on the courts, sometimes, even in simple cases, hearings might be scheduled in advance. This might prolong the process.

What should couples who decide on mediation prepare in advance?

Just like in a long and expensive divorce process where sometimes you have to give up and not get everything you want, there will also be a mediation process where everyone will have to give up and not necessarily get everything they want one hundred percent. However, in a mediation process, the signing of the divorce agreement will happen faster, more efficiently and will cost both parties much less money.

It is imperative to note that the mediation process is very organized. A professional lawyer, an expert in the legal field, will lead the couple to a mediation agreement that also includes the involvement of an appraiser (to evaluate the couple's assets), actuaries (the evaluation of the couple's rights in retirement, etc.) and in fact will give a "legal dress" to their wishes.

The welfare of children is, above all

As mentioned, there are considerable advantages as to why it is worthwhile to mediate outside the court's walls. Still, the most significant reason stands above all of them - the needs and interests of the children. Since mediation agreements are usually reached more quickly, certainty and security are achieved more easily. Therefore, agreements are reached regarding the days and hours each party is with the children. By doing so, we provide the children with the stability they desperately need, already being undermined for them.

Bridging the gaps

Bridging, as its name implies, bridges the gaps between couples who wish to separate and embark on a new path separately. Differences between spouses mainly revolve around property matters, payment of alimony, and, in general, financial issues. There are cases where children's education is disputed..

What is a successful mediation agreement?

The agreements I draft are intended to serve the couple for many years to come. If the couple has small children, I think about the future, about high school. I then bring up topics relevant to this age, such as private lessons and driving lessons. Suppose I recognize that there is no agreement between the spouses on a certain issue such as medical or pedagogical diagnoses. In that case, I arrange for the assistance of an independent expert (for example, a school teacher, an external consultant, a specialist doctor). I have put in place mechanisms to prevent friction in the future on issues that may arise. Both parents are obliged to agree that an expert will decide.

A meaningful agreement is measured by its ability to exist many years after it was written and signed. If there is disagreement on any issue, the agreement is opened and remembered that an independent expert resolves the dispute between the parties.

How does mediation actually work?

Usually, both spouses choose one lawyer to represent them both (there is an option for each to hire a lawyer, and then the lawyers will draft between them).

At the first meeting, as with all meetings, they arrive together. They receive an explanation of their duties and rights, a list of questions, and points they need to consider. In the second meeting, they come up with answers, and we begin to draw up an agreement. The entire process takes 2-3 joint meetings.

As a mediator, I never meet separately with each party. Mediation meetings are always together, and transparency is the cornerstone of the process. My role as a mediator lawyer is to make sure to protect the interests of both spouses. In my role as a representative, I maintain neutrality and represent both faithfully, yet the most critical thing to me is to represent the interests of children.

At the end of the process, we submit the agreement to the court to give it the effect of a judgment. As part of the process, I accompany the parties to the hearing, request approval, and make arrangements for the divorce. Finally, I accept the agreement as valid as any divorce agreement drawn up in court. What exactly is the difference? That instead of the judge writing, the parties, accompanied by me, are the ones who write their verdict.

This article should not be considered legal advice or a substitute for individual legal advice. If necessary, consult an attorney specializing in family law.